Birthing Experience Not What You Expected?
Birthing Experience Not What You Expected?
I can relate! I thought by my 3rd pregnancy, I was a veteran at having babies. My first two pregnancies were quick and easy. Before my 3rd I even secretly thought I was some kind of baby having super hero.
But I was not. I unexpectedly found myself in real trouble when my 3rd child was entering the world. When my water always broke but didn't, and the labor came even quicker than with the others,I knew I was not prepared. I skipped Lamaze. I didn't have a birthing plan. I trusted my natural instinct to have a baby.
Doctors and moms need to remember the birthing experience is not a one size fits all. Having babies at one point in time was a more life threatening thing to do. Moms and babies died during delivery. Recovery was longer. Expectations put on a woman who just gave birth weren't so ridiculously high, the way they are placed on mothers today. Having a baby puts a lot of strain on an already strained body. Yes we are made for it, but we also take a beating while doing so.
On day 3 postpartum I knew it was going to take months to recover. I hurt like never before. I was even in good shape, ate well, etc. Six months postpartum and I am still healing. I've had to take my time. I've had to learn,(a few times) my true physical limits, respect them, or further delay my recovery.
With an already long recovery ahead of me, and my family far away, the extra strain on my child's father was adding extra Mommy guilt within me. I had to accept that for that time I was going to have to limp. I was not going to be able to hold my baby as much as I wanted. Everytime I moved my leg hurt and my hip throbbed. Even sitting down with props and pillows, it felt like a knife was stabbing my leg. I couldn't sit, stand, or lay down.
I was miserable. I felt so guilty for freaking out in labor, but I smiled and dealt with it the best I could. Long after the normal aches and pains of having a baby, I was still trying to heal my injuries. Injuries that could have been prevented. It got me thinking about moms with chronic illnesses, unable to physically care for their baby, and just how difficult that must be.
I had to accept that I was going to have to keep asking for help. That was the most difficult part for me, asking for help over and over again!
So, was your birthing experience not what you expected? Mine wasn't. It can leave you with several mixed emotions and feelings. Although I gave it my all, my all fell short. I panicked! I was pushing through my face. I blew blood vessels, chest and leg muscles and dislocated my hip!
Take the time to educate yourself, be it your first or sixth child. What is meant to be joyous can turn ugly real quick, but it doesn't have to. If possible have a backup helper available, not only for mothers having c sections, but for any woman dealing with the pain of having a baby. All deliveries are different, and no one wants to think they might not bounce right back. Have someone in mind anyway...
Prepare not only for smooth sailing, (epidural, birthing plan, etc) but also have a plan in place for a long labor, for real complications in the delivery, and a shoulder to cry on for when things go wrong... as they sometimes do.
Thankfully I had my Sons Father who was there for me every step of the way. He took on so much and never complained once. He helped me accept that this was an injury, and not a personal reflection of me as a mother.
We take on so much as moms and when I couldn't do it all, or even get back to my normal speed, I relied on the support from my spouse and friends to keep me from getting down. If you find yourself feeling let down from your birthing experience just remember to reach out. Don't be ashamed of your injury or illness, and keep doing the best you can every day.
Author of the 2006 release 'Broken Moms' and long time mother's advocate, #LianaPreble currently resides in New York with her fiance and their 2 little ones. A marriage officiant proudly serving the Niagara Falls region by day and #mommy #cakeeater and #winelover by night. Freelance writer, Liana Preble, lianapreble@yahoo.com