Happy Mother's Day! (and a few things you should know...)
Happy Mother’s Day!
(Or, how to handle disappointment and guilt on Mother’s Day)
Ahh, Mother’s Day! That one day a year moms get to sleep in! And get served breakfast in bed! And feel all honored and pampered!
(If you’re already laughing, I can only assume this isn’t your first child and you know what I’m talking about.)
Before I was a mom, I had this idea about how I thought Mother’s Day went and it mostly involved moms being waited on hand and foot, flowers, meaningful cards and brunch. (Please imagine this with a soft photo filter in place and peaceful music playing.) But sometimes the realities are that Mother’s Day can serve up some less-ideal emotions like disappointment and guilt.
You might experience disappointment because the day—this day you’ve looked forward to claiming as your own!—doesn’t look like you wanted it to. Especially if it’s your first Mother’s Day and if you’re still pregnant. My husband forgot about me on the Mother’s Day that came just 3 weeks before I gave birth to our first child. FORGOT. Or, should I say, didn’t know I counted since the baby wasn’t born yet. The nine months of care and nurturing and doctor’s appointments and not riding the roller coasters or eating soft cheeses hadn’t counted, apparently. Oh, you and I know they counted, but my dear first-time-father partner somehow missed the connection. (He does apologize for this first Mother’s Day snafu pretty much every year. Possibly because I bring it up…?)
The other emotion you might be surprised by on Mother’s Day is guilt. Sure, we want those cards filled with lovely ‘Best Mom’ sentiments, but oftentimes we don’t feel like a ‘Best Mom’. Or even a good mom. Getting little chubby-armed hugs with, ‘You’re the best-mom-in-the world!’ whispered in our ear can feel false. Sometimes all we see is where things are hard or where we feel like we’re failing. Can Mother’s Day be over so we can go back to our regular, non-honored mom life? (Except brunch—we could do that every day!)
Here are a few things you can do to be a mom who enjoys Mother’s Day:
1) Be honest and clear about what you want Mother’s Day to look like. If it’s brunch out, make the reservation. I know, I know—you shouldn’t *have* to do it yourself, but as the mom of the family, you set the emotional tone. And you don’t want your kids talking about how Mother’s Day always sucked because you were in your room, crying. Nothing can disappoint us more than unrealized expectations. Remember to actually share your expectations with your family. They really do want to honor you!
2) Accept the love and honor the people around you want to bestow on you. You may not feel like it, but it is important to them to get to do so. Mother’s Day is a chance for them to pause for a minute and think about the role you play in the day-to-day, oftentimes unglamorous, details of your family’s life. But it’s those everyday things that make a difference to little hands and hearts. No, things aren’t perfect, but no one else can love your family like you can. That is your special gift to them and it makes you the absolute best mom ever--because you adore them and would do anything for them.
So this year, and in all the years in the future, I wish you a Happy Mother’s Day! A day in which you do not fret about unrealized expectations nor refuse the honor your family wants to give you. It’s a day for you to pause and breathe and know that you couldn’t love your family any more than you do and that that’s the best thing they could ever have from you.